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Cousin Greg might just be the funniest character in Succession. Standing out among his wealthy and powerful family members, Greg’s goofy, edgy, and goofy personality made some of the most memorable quotes in the entire series.
It’s not just his words that make Greg so great, it’s also Nicholas Braun’s mumbling and goofy delivery of his lines that gives the character such an adorable disposition. There are frankly too many iconic Cousin Greg quotes from the entire series so far, but Succession fans may remember these best.
11 “You better give me the money, man.”
In the second episode of Succession, Marcia instructed Greg to go to Logan’s house to pick up his slippers while he recovered in the hospital. Upon arriving at Logan’s residence, he asked the porter to pay for the taxi as it had previously been established that Greg had no money at the time. Since Greg was essentially a whole new face, the doorman did not recognize Greg and refused to pay.
What followed was a perfect display of Greg’s worthy personality. He tragically stumbled in his explanation of who he was, what he did and why he couldn’t pay, but his mess of words just didn’t translate to the porter or the cab driver. The sheepish and hilarious interaction was the first example of Greg really trying to defend himself, even though he wasn’t doing it very well at all.
ten “It’s not like they take them before they poop, they’re really just bags.”
On Greg’s first day at Waystar Royco, he basically went from 0 to 100. Right before that, he was broke and unemployed. Then suddenly he was propelled into the upper ranks of a large corporation. When he got to the office, he started stocking up on free cookies, citing that his “body [was] weaker and weaker due to lack of food.
However, the only thing Greg needed to put in the cookies was an empty bag made for collecting dog poop. When Tom called out for the ridiculous choice, Greg said, “It’s not like they pre-pooped them, they’re really just sacks. It’s a mental barrier.” The whole situation really showed how out of place Greg was among the wealthy elites.
9 “Likewise, Your Excellency.”
When the Roys and their loved ones traveled to England for Shiv and Tom’s wedding, the audience finally got to meet Caroline Collingwood, the mother of the Roy children. It wasn’t just the viewers, however; Greg also met a distant family member for the first time.
During their first interaction Caroline said, “Nice to meet you. Hearing Caroline’s British accent, Greg apparently responded instinctively, “Likewise, your excellency,” as if she were a British Royal. Caroline’s response was equally funny when she introduced the phrase “Greg the Egg” after remembering him as an egg-shaped baby.
8 “I can take a lot of psychological pain, so …”
Kendall Roy, a deeply complex Succession character, was extremely kind when he offered Greg a huge empty and expensive apartment to live in. Roys, he just couldn’t believe the offer at first.
“I can take a lot of psychological pain,†Greg said, referring to his constant depreciation, assuming Kendall was joking about the apartment. As someone facing an extreme amount of manipulation from the Roy family, this quote sums up Greg’s character perfectly.
7 “We hear for you.”
In season 2, Greg and Tom became major players at ATN, the conservative news network on Succession. As the head of the department, Tom was to deliver a speech on behalf of all of ATN and expected his signature slogan to be a ‘we hear you’.
Greg worriedly pointed out that this tagline could be problematic for the company given that ATN actually listens to its consumers’ home conversations. After struggling to find a better solution, Greg suggested, “we hear for you,†an absurd piece about “we hear you†and “we’re here for youâ€. Although it sounds absurd, Tom and Greg agreed it was a happy medium, but Tom was ultimately laughed at because of it.
6 “I am involved in a criminal conspiracy. Oh really? Yes, yes I am …”
Who could forget when Tom made Greg miss Thanksgiving to cover up the cruise ship scandal by shredding damning documents? Greg himself will surely always remember this as he always finds himself constantly stressed by the situation throughout the series.
When the cruise ship cover-up was first revealed to the public in Season 2, Greg began to worry more seriously about his involvement. During a private moment in a fairly public bathroom, Greg embarked on an endless and nerve-racking monologue to deal with what could happen next, including the possibility of him going to jail.
5 “Bargain a bit of a Grexit.”
Once Greg really stood up for himself, it was during a conversation with Logan in Season 2. After almost reaching a moral breaking point in terms of working at ATN under Tom, Greg asked Logan to quit. potentially his job for another.
Greg suggested that he and Logan could “negotiate a bit of a Grexit”, a fun play on his name and Britain’s notorious “Brexit” exit from the European Union. While the line was incredibly silly and brand-consistent for Greg, it was still pretty daring of her to tell the most powerful character in Succession, making the situation even more fun.
4 “Yes, if that is to say, it is so, it is so.”
The episode in which many Waystar Royco representatives had to address the US Senate regarding the cruise ship scandal was intense enough for everyone involved, but for the nervous wreck that is Greg, it was the most stressful time of his life. In several attempts to speak formally, Greg began to add unnecessary words to his sentences.
To begin with, Senator Eavis simply asked Greg if he was Tom’s assistant. Although this should have been an easy question to answer, Greg completely stumbled and stammered in his response, “Yes, if it has to be said, it is so, it is so.” When Senator Eavis asked Greg to speak normally, Greg tried, but failed miserably.
3 “Shut up … Sorry.”
Greg made his first major power move in the series when he secretly saved some of the compromising documents from the cruise ship that Tom sent him to destroy. Of course, Tom eventually discovered the papers, which naturally prompted him to get Greg to reveal them.
The documents were hidden in a folder titled “secret”. Tom kept laughing at Greg for his weak attempt to hide the papers, so Greg tried to defend himself by telling Tom to “shut up”. Almost immediately after, however, Greg got nervous and apologized. This subtle moment was effortlessly funny and showed how Greg’s sweetness makes him the friendliest character in Succession.
2 “I am more than a pinch.”
The cruise ship scandal rocked Waystar Royco so much that someone had to take credit for the problem. When all of the main characters got together to decide who should be charged with wrongdoing, Roman suggested that it should basically be anyone with “Greg sprinkles,” implying that Greg should lose his. job no matter what.
Greg defended himself, saying he adds value to the business by saying “I’m more than a pinch”. And according to fans of the show, Greg is definitely more than a pinch; Nicholas Braun is by far one of the most popular actors in Succession on Instagram.
1 “What if your nails aren’t that good?” “
One of Greg’s most hilarious quotes came when he was forced to take off his shoes before entering the Roys yacht. It seems like a small request to take your shoes off on a luxury boat, but Greg made it a moment to remember.
In a random but hilarious short story, Greg had to have his feet checked for an infection while on the yacht. It turned out to be a benign fungus, and the problem was fixed fairly quickly, and yet it’s hard to forget Greg’s comment on his disgusting nails.
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