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The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim has been a staple of the adventure RPG genre for almost a decade now, and it’s still going strong as ever. Along with its wonderful gameplay and a huge modding community regularly producing new content, there is also a very entertaining and sometimes fun script to go along with it.
Many characters from Skyrim say strange things throughout the game, but some quotes are a cut above the rest in terms of hilarity. These are the lines that will live on forever in infamy for being so exaggerated and unintentionally funny.
ten “Let me guess; someone stole your bun? “
Skyrim players will come across a lot of candy during their travels, even though the game handles food in one of the most absurd ways. It makes this random guards quote so much funnier. From an immersion perspective, this makes absolutely no sense.
It’s also confusing why the guards would just say this without any conversation. It’s not as if this topic comes up during an exchange. Rather, the guards will simply casually imply that the player has lost something of value; a delight baked in a common oven.
9 “And the swagger named Ragnar was no longer a boast, when his ugly red head rolled on the ground!”
The different hostels of Skyrim are not particularly known for their hospitality, luxury or entertainment. This is a tough land with thirsty people struggling to survive in a hostile climate, and this is reflected in all areas, even in the songs. Players who visit the inns are frequently entertained by the local bards, many of whom are ghastly.
Still, there’s the wonderfully funny “Ragnar the Red,†a song that never seems to get old among Skyrim customers. It is considered a traditional folk tale and one of the first songs learned by the bards. This is easy to understand since it is without a doubt one of the worst.
8 “I’m a mad god. The mad god, actually. It’s a family title. It passes from me to myself every few thousand years!”
Truer words have never been spoken in Skyrim, Courtesy of the hilarious Sheogorath, Prince Daedra of Madness. As the name suggests, this entity can be pretty crazy which makes for a load of fun quotes. This particular line occurs during a period when Sheogorath inhabits the spirit of Pelagius Septim III.
The player engages with Sheogorath in one of the Skyrim most tragically short quests when drawn into Pelagius’s mind and forced to heal him. He delivers this knee-hitting quote with utter sincerity, throwing up a scratchy headache at the end, just to drive home the point.
7 “North Nonsense? Why, you are puffed up with ignorance!”
In the opening act of Skyrim, players face a dragon attacking a watchtower near Whiterun, and it’s where they first gain the ability to absorb dragon souls and use the Path of the Voice. After killing the dragon, the player must return to Whiterun and talk to the Jarl about what happened.
This triggers a dialogue between Proventus Avenicci and Hrongar, the former of which hints that this is just a bunch of “nonsense from the North.” Hrongar responds with this wacky quote that shows how easily the North of Skyrim takes offense at someone who insults their traditions.
6 “Wait, I know you.”
The crime mechanic in Skyrim is ridiculous and absurd, which is why the modding community has several great mods that provide a much needed overhaul. Even stealing a loaf of bread can put players in hot water with local authorities, which is where that quote comes in.
The reason it’s so funny is because of the stupidity of the criminal system. Considering that even the animals act as spectators that can trigger wanted status in the game, it’s amazing how these guards can recognize criminal players at first sight. There are no research boards, posters, or anything else.
5 “Those Hammerfell warriors?” They have curved swords. Curved swords!
Indeed, Hammerfell’s warriors dress in clothes that are not particularly native to the province of Skyrim, but this quote still looks unintentionally funny. First, it’s doubtful that the concept of curved swords is anything new even to the North of Skyrim, especially given Tamriel’s rich and detailed history.
While this may have been a way to show how truly xenophobic and homogeneous the citizens of Skyrim really are, it still seems so silly. Luckily, everything is fun and allows for a laugh as well as watching mammoths freaking out between the trees due to physical bugs.
4 “Either I’m drunk or you’re naked. Maybe both.”
Drunkards Skyrim seem to instantly lose their inner filter with the right combination of elements. This quote is courtesy of Cosnach, a Silver Blood with an affinity for being incredibly charged at the local Markarth Tavern, and it’s one of the most popular “nude” quotes in the game.
If the player decides to put on their underwear and scroll in their line of sight, Cosnach will deliver this line, which is both hilarious and silly at the same time. If only the poor boy worked on his character flaws, he might not say such things face down in a goblet of mead.
3 “Is … fur coming out of your ears?” “
NPCs from Skyrim tend to say all kinds of funny things during the game, but some take the cake, including this one. This happens when players decide to join the Companions, a Whiterun-based group that uses the powers of the werewolf to defend citizens.
After going through a ritual and becoming a werewolf, the guards will interact with the players by asking this funny question. It’s fun on its own, but it’s double for players who started out as a member of the mysterious Khajiit, a race of feline bipedal humanoids.
2 “You know the old saying: when life gives you lemons, go murder a clown.”
Festus Krex is the man responsible for this insanely funny quote, and it’s one of the most underrated in all of the game. The fact that Krex is a member of the infamous Dark Brotherhood is probably a good indicator of why. for which his particular brand of dry humor wouldn’t go well at family dinners.
While a lot of Skyrim quotes are hilarious when taken out of context, this is not one of them. Not only does this botch the traditional, uplifting original version of The Lemon Lesson, but it seems like a non-sequitur by design. Anyway, it’s a quote that the first time Skyrim players could never have expected it, no matter how prepared they were.
1 “I was an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee.”
The most sadly funny line of Skyrim has since become the stuff of memes legend. Logically speaking, it makes absolutely no sense that a man’s adventurous days come to an abrupt end due to an injury like this. Of course, getting shot in the knee is undoubtedly a painful experience.
Knee injuries can be debilitating, especially if there is significant damage to the meniscus or ACL, but that shouldn’t be enough to hang up an adventurer for good. Nonetheless, the quote is fun for its practicality, not to mention the bewildering idea that someone would blurt out this to a stranger.
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