Parks and Recreation: 10 Funniest Ron Quotes

As a father figure to many Parks and recreation, Ron Swanson is the go-to for sarcastic comments, steadfast beliefs, and even expert advice. His personality is unique and contradictory, being a libertarian who is a longtime government employee. He is obnoxious and antagonistic but will stop at nothing for the people he loves.

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He is known for his long passages about the things he hates, his terrible taste in women and making fun of the people around him. With his strong personality and his hatred for most things, Ron Swanson steals every scene he’s in and keeps fans laughing for over 100 episodes.


On friendship

“We still never talk sometimes.”

Ron speaks with his hand raised in Parks and Rec

Ron finds himself in the middle of Andy and April’s lovers’ feud. As April attempts to tell him about their struggles, Ron stops her because he has no interest in caring about people. He talks to the camera about his best friend, a man he worked with for three years and whose name he never learned. He affectionately says that they still never talk sometimes.

While Ron’s stoicism is one of his worst traits on Parks and recreation, he wouldn’t be himself if he was too friendly. The obvious joy in Ron’s eyes when talking about his best friend makes the quote even funnier. He gets so much happiness from a friend he never talks to, which suits Ron and his general hatred of most people just fine.

on simplicity

“I’m a simple man. I like pretty dark-haired women and breakfasts.”

Ron talks about how he's a simple man in Parks and Rec

In a relationship with Parks and recreation fans knew it was doomed from the start, Ron is back with Tammy. While showing off the framed photo of a woman with breakfast food that hangs in her office, Ron gives this iconic and fun line. He then says he got the real thing this morning with Tammy.

Ron is really a simple man and the picture he had framed in his office is kinda hilarious. The funny and relatable quote has become a fan favorite, with many memes and products made with the saying. The line gets even funnier as Ron and Tammy’s relationship grows and Ron completely loses his personality with Tammy’s obsessive behavior.

On the holidays

“If there was more food and fewer people, it would be a perfect party.”

Ron talks about the perfect party in Parks and Rec

Ron and some of the other Parks gangs helped Tom move into his new commercial space and turn it into a fully functioning store. As repayment, Tom selfishly offers them a single pizza to share while they stand in a store without electricity. As Ron who hates people, he remarks that it’s almost a perfect party.

If there are only two things Ron loves in the world, it’s food and being alone. Throughout the series, the characters often give Ron the gift of being alone for birthdays or celebrations. The quote fits Ron’s personality very well, while insulting Tom for taking advantage of his colleagues and friends without giving them anything in return.

on the feelings

“I’d rather bleed than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 minutes.”

s07-ep04 of Parks and Rec with Ron talking about his feelings.

Leslie and Ron fight and Ben has them locked up in the Parks and Recreation office to work out their issues. Leslie is determined to find out why the two had a falling out and are no longer friends. On the other hand, Ron would much rather sit in silence than discuss his feelings.

The quote is incredibly relatable and hilarious for any fan who hates talking about their feelings and would rather do more than have a heart-to-heart with someone. As the two eventually reconcile, in one of the sweetest friendship scenes in Parks and recreation, it’s not without Ron’s pain to have to discuss his feelings.

On the vegetables

“You accidentally gave me the food my food eats.”

Ron doesn't like vegetables on Parks and Rec

Ron, Chris and Tom help Ben choose a caterer for his wedding. When the potential caterer gives Ron a plate of vegetables, Ron makes sure they know his thoughts on it.

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Ron is excellent at insults, and this is one of his many wonderful one-liners. Ron is nothing if not a carnivore and naturally cannot accept vegetables. The quote is witty and humorous and it’s something every vegetable hater has thought of in their lifetime.

On ex-wives

“The key to burning an effigy of an ex-wife is…”

Ron talks about burning an effigy of ex-wife on Parks and Rec

Although Tammy and Ron have some of the best chemistry in the Parks and recreation couples, Ron puts an end to their complex relationship and he decides to burn an effigy of an ex-wife. He tells the camera that the key to burning an effigy of an ex-wife is to dip it in paraffin wax and throw a bottle of isopropyl alcohol at it from a distance.

Being the eccentric and craftsman that is Ron, it’s only natural that he couldn’t end a relationship in the typical way and creates an entire effigy dedicated to the end of his marriage to Tammy. The scene is hilarious and made even funnier by Ron’s descriptive process. It’s clear he’s burned the effigy of an ex-wife more than once and is an expert in the process.

worry about work

“I don’t want to sound too dramatic but I don’t care what’s going on here.”

s05-ep19 from Parks and Rec where Ron says he doesn't want to sound dramatic.

Ron is never one to be overly dramatic or show any emotion. But when he learns from Chris that he didn’t take the management course he was supposed to take, Ron makes sure everyone knows his thoughts.

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Ron really doesn’t care about the work the park service does and thinks that if the service does nothing, it succeeds. It’s comical to see his hatred for the government and his work, in general, clash with passionate people like Chris and Leslie. It’s a great one-liner and really suited Ron’s laid-back attitude.

On management

“If any of you need anything, so be it.”

Ron in Parks and Rec standing in the office

Throughout the series, Ron’s management style could never be described as practical. Ron is also waiting for Tammy 1 to come back into his life. He tells the Parks gang not to need anything and to deal with their own problems like adults.

Ron’s lax management style, especially when contrasted with Leslie’s hands-on methods, is somewhat hilarious throughout the series. He wants his employees to do nothing and does not want to help them in any way. As Ron says repeatedly throughout the show, his ideal workplace is one where nothing gets done.

About people

“People are stupid, Leslie!

S02E20 from Parks and Rec with Ron eating bacon and saying people are idiots.

After arranging a tough photo shoot and picnic for Parks and Recreation’s summer catalog, Leslie asks Ron a profound question: why would anyone eat anything other than breakfast food? Ron replies lovingly that people are idiots.

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From his framed photo to ordering all the bacon and eggs from a restaurant, Ron is obsessed with breakfast food. A big part of Ron and Leslie’s relationship is based on their mutual love of breakfast food. The line is not only a sweet moment between Ron and Leslie, but also contains a signature sarcastic insult from Ron and shows his hatred for people.

About America

“History began on July 4, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.”

Ron talks history at Parks and Rec in London

Some members of the Parks gang are heading to London. When his new wife, Dianne, can’t make the trip, Ron goes with her and takes pictures of landmarks to show her. However, he makes sure not to enjoy international travel or the monuments himself, as he is not in the best country in the world, America.

Ron’s hatred for anything un-American is incredibly funny. He frowns through London, snapping photos of historic landmarks for his wife while discussing how terrible the country is compared to America. There are few things that Ron likes, but the American is one of them and he has no tolerance for anywhere else.

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