Best quotes from Monty Python and the holy grail: 15 funniest



There are two types of people: Those who have not yet seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail and those who can recite most of his script from memory. The Beatles’ first hilarious narrative feature film from British comedy troupes, Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a wordy, dense, and rewarding film to watch again, even if you think you’ve caught every gag until the last. Written by the entire cast — Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin — the film’s place in the comedy canon is hard to debate. His memorable lines ended up on merchandise or as geeky business cards between new friends presenting their love of Arthurian silliness as a qualification. Remember all the best jokes while reading the best and funniest Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes below.


“We apologize again for the mistake in the subtitles. Those responsible for the sacking of the people who have just been sacked have been sacked. – Monty Python and the Holy Grailthe credits

From silly Swedish subtitles to the possible strobe-lit llama party he transforms into, the opening credits of Monty Python and the Holy Grail are full of good gags that are completely missed on a first watch. But few lines stand out like those that separate the thematic sections, immediately shattering the fourth wall and letting us all enter into the joke that the formal elements of the directing process will be deconstructed over the course of the comedy.


“Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?” ” – Soldier

One of Monty Python’s business card joke constructs presents some nonsense and then allows a few characters to nibble on it to death with over-informed logic. We may never know how these coconuts got to England, but we have surely learned a lot about the number of times per second a swallow has to flap its wings to maintain air speed.


“I am not dead” – Man carried

Often misunderstood as “I’m not quite dead” or “I’m not yet dead,” the old man protesting his placement on the Plague Cart is a deliciously dark joke made with great sincerity. Nothing puts you in a medieval state of mind like someone bludgeoning an elderly man to death as he chants “I feel happy, I feel happy.”


“Well, I didn’t vote for you.” – The peasant woman to King Arthur

Is England a Monarchy? A dictatorship ? An autonomous collective? An anarcho-syndicalist commune? A self-sustaining autocracy? King Arthur is certainly heard by Dennis on the subject in this scene, which sneaks into the film’s only references to Excalibur and the Lady of the Lake … all before the scene is stolen by Terry’s dirt-loving peasant. Jones in one line.


“Just a wound of the flesh.” – The black Knight

The immortal, intimidating, and unfazed Black Knight primarily functions as a large visual gag – ultimately having the mysterious warrior relegated to a particularly aggressive torso – but John Cleese’s online deliveries sell it end to end. The exaggerated understatement of calling an amputated arm a “flesh wound” is something I use all the time whenever I’m (slightly) injured.


“She turned me into a newt.” “A newt? “I’m better.” – A villager and Sir Bedevere discuss witchcraft

There are many ways to identify a witch in the world of Holy Grail, but none are as silly as referring to a time when you were transfigured into an amphibian. The gags about what floats and what doesn’t land every time, but the straightforward thoughtfulness on John Cleese’s face as he delivers this particularly surreal setup and punchline are priceless.


“We dine well here at Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam a lot. – Knights of Camelot

Camelot’s musical number shows that the Round Table house is indeed a silly place, but no line from his song has had the impact of it. Spamalot, the Broadway musical directed by Mike Nichols and starring Tim Curry, owes its title to the wacky rhyme – and the three Tony’s of the long-running series (and the hilarity itself) shouldn’t be ignored.


“Of course that’s a good idea! ” – God

It wouldn’t be a Monty Python production without some signature Terry Gilliam animation and some signature Christianity jokes. As Arthur’s Knights look away and praise the Lord, the Lord in question grows fed up with their deadly fallibility. The best, however, comes when Arthur notes that God had a good idea. The sheer offense taken by the Creator is funny every time.


“I don’t want to talk to you anymore, you empty-headed wiper.” I’m farting in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberry. – French knight of King Arthur

The French taunt that knights time is brutal, but maybe no burn has been repeated as often among my circle of Python fans as this wild line on hamsters and elderberries. He even did it on a t-shirt at one point. The sheer weirdness of the Mad Libs names involved is both impressive for staying PG and fun for their surrealism. And no, there’s no one else to talk to.


” No ! “- The knights who say” Ni “

If there’s one line on this list that will haunt parents who watch this movie with their kids (which I personally recommend… except for a few scenes), it’s this one. “Ni” will be unavoidable. It will haunt your dreams. Knights get a lot of benefit from making silly sounds and repeating those silly sounds, making the quote and song one of the most childish in the movie.


“Don’t you like him? What’s his problem? She is beautiful. She is rich. She has huge… tracts of land ”- King of Swamp Castle

Part history joke and boob joke, the line “huge … expanses of land” weaves its way into a commentary on tactical feudal marriages, aimed at raising a family’s capital, in a scene filled with references strange and absurd routine of Abbott and Costello. I like to imagine that this is how the Upper Crust still talks about potential matches in their social circles.


“The bones of some fifty men litter his lair. So, brave knights, if you doubt your courage or your strength, go no further, for death awaits you all with ugly, big, pointed teeth. – Tim the Enchanter

One joke that got me to gift my mom a pair of killer bunny slippers for Mother’s Day one year, Tim’s terrible warning about the bunny (and the “ugly, big, pointed teeth” mime) is almost more memorable than watching the fluffy aggressor flying through the air. The geyser of blood soaking his fur is matched only by the image of those rabbit fangs.


“You will take out the sacred pin first.” Then you will count to three, no more and no less. Three will be the number you plan to count, and the number in the count will be three. You won’t count four, nor will you count two, except that you will then go to three. Five is on the right. Once the number three, being the third number, is reached, then throw your Holy Antioch Hand Grenade at your enemy, who, being wicked in my eyes, will sniff it. – monk

The literal appearance of God was not the last time Christianity would be mocked by the Pythons. Reading the Book of Armaments (chapter two, verses nine to 21 if we’re precise) weaves punchlines in biblical diction and style, hammering humor into the religious text’s devotion to repeat itself in increasingly complicated ways. . You will never count to three the same after hearing this again.


“But if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to burn ‘Aargh’. He would just say it. – King Arthur

Another example of logic interrupting and enhancing a gag – especially one that plays to movie tropes like a message carved into a cave wall – Joseph of Arimathea’s last words are very funny as a text, but mainly thrive as fertile ground for performers to moan their hearts out. Maybe he was dictating.


“Bad luck, the English wet the bed!” I’ll pop your buttons and call your request to open the door stupid, you tiny brain paper towel from other people’s buttocks! – French knight

Underrated compared to the shocking novelty of the first taunt, Arthur’s return to the French castle (and his subsequent taunts) holds a special place in my heart for pushing that PG-level rudeness and villainy to its limits. Ridiculous in its description and creativity, the flow of insults is so fun that it’s hard to pick the best digs. There’s something about the phrase “call your door-to-door request a silly thing” that sticks out to you, especially if you’ve ever had a roommate calling you outside with full arms.


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